September 30, 2021
Finding Hope in Loss: My Journey of Pregnancy after Miscarriage
I'm your host, Kelly Jo. Today you're going to be hearing from me as I share more about my own journey with you specifically how I'm doing in this current pregnancy after miscarriage.
(SPOILER ALERT - our son was born in September between the recording of this podcast and when it went live!)
I was recently asked how my current pregnancy is different from our daughter's in the wake of miscarriage and pregnancy loss.
For those of you that are just joining us, I’m currently 9 months pregnant and due any day. Of course, each pregnancy is different and this one is especially so after experiencing a pregnancy loss in April of 2020. While this is a heavy topic - I promise it’s also very hopeful.
Moments You Don’t Want to Miss
[2:38] Discover how my first pregnancy impacted this one and why I chose to work with a midwife
[7:11] Learn about our journey of pregnancy loss with our 2nd at the start of the pandemic
[14:20] Hear about my ER scare at 5 weeks pregnant and why I had to hardcore advocate for myself (and why you do too)
[24:10] Find out how we’ve learned to embrace the child we lost and talk with our 3-yr old daughter about her little brother in heaven
[29:12] Discover the three things I’ve craved during this pregnancy and the power of mind-body connection
We Celebrated Our Pregnancy With Others From The Beginning
With our first pregnancy (our daughter) we waited to tell our friends and family we were pregnant until the 3-month mark. It all worked out beautifully and our community got to celebrate her with us later on. But in the beginning, her pregnancy was this treasure that my husband, Caleb, and I kept to ourselves. I think looking back part of that decision was based on fear - or at least Caleb didn't want to tell too many people while things were so fragile.
I was only 6 weeks along when we lost our 2nd baby in April 2020. We’d told virtually no one and that meant we had to process his loss alone. Our community didn’t know how to help us because they didn’t know the pain we were walking through and instead of celebrating new life, our friends heard of our loss. It was so painful and hard to walk alone.
That’s why when we got pregnant with our third in December of 2020, we shared with our close family and friends right away! This time we knew how vulnerable life was and we wanted to celebrate every moment of our baby’s life with our community - no matter how many moments we had.
Have Grace & Focus On The Things You Can Control
One of the first things I’ve had to learn at greater levels this time around is having grace with myself. Especially because I cannot control most things. Even if I “do all the right things,” there is no guarantee that we won’t lose this baby. Pain and loss in our world is inevitable - so learning to live out of grace and give it to myself as well as forgive myself has been really important for my mental and emotional well-being.
On that note, I’ve also spent more time focusing on what I can control. This includes things like my nutrition, the toxins our family is exposed to or not exposed to, carving out space for me to continue to process, journal, and heal.
Again, this means I'm approaching all of these from a place of grace. Yet there are things I can do to support myself and our little nugget at a foundational level. I’ve been focused on doing these things with the perspective that I’m in process and that’s okay!
Give Yourself Permission To Feel All The Feels
,In this pregnancy, I've really just had to create the space to feel all the feels. I am so thrilled to meet our son but the closer I get to my due date, the more hyper-aware I’ve become of the baby I don't have in my arms. I've had to hold space for those feelings and I've had to give myself even more grace.
Healing is not linear. Grief shows up in unexpected places. On one hand, I am extremely thrilled and on the other, I’m in a whole new wave of mourning the child we don’t have. So that’s why I encourage you to embrace whatever comes with an extra dose of love for yourself (and for those around you). Know that no matter what you’re going through - it’s okay if your healing takes time.
Links & Resources Mentioned
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