Miscarriage is a grief that hits you like a tidal wave. It’s a pain that isolates you and makes you question things you never worried about before. And it can be really hard to know how to ask for help.
If you’ve walked through a miscarriage, you also know that a lot of well-intentioned people can say some hurtful things even as they are trying to encourage you. Things like….
“When will you start trying again?”
“God must have needed that baby in heaven!”
Yet knowing how to show up for someone after a miscarriage can be really hard too. Especially when you’ve never walked through it before. For all these reasons, Torie, Bryn, and the team at Tourmaline Birth & Wellness Collective created the Box for Loss. Inside, a mama will discover so many special products designed to bring comfort and help her begin to heal-both emotionally and physically.
To honor Pregnancy Loss and Infant Loss Awareness Month, I’m bringing Josie Petrich and Torie Borrelli-Hall, two of the creators of the Box for Loss. We will talk about what kind of support you will need through a miscarriage, the physical and emotional impact of miscarriage, and why sending the Box for Loss is an incredible way to support yourself or a mama you love who has experienced a miscarriage.
Moments You Don’t Want to Miss
[5:40] Hear how Torie’s encounter with the pain of miscarriage inspired her to connect with other mamas walking through pregnancy loss.
[12:52] Listen to how Josie is committed to filling the gap of support and care - however long your pregnancy lasts.
[28:24] Learn how partners/spouses can show up to support a mother through a miscarriage.
[36:54] Discover all the amazing products included in the Box for Loss.
[45:28] When the time is right, here are some things to consider if you’re looking to get pregnant again.
Learning What Not to Say After a Miscarriage
Kelly Jo: I want to dive into both the box and the bag a little bit more but first what are some things that aren't helpful like what do you want to make sure you don’t say or do?
Josie: You definitely don't ask her, “Are you going to try again?” I think the thing you can do is to be really present in whatever pain she is in at that exact moment. Don’t shift her focus towards the future in any way because it's really important for her to process all the feelings in the present moment that come with that loss.
Torie: Yeah the future feels so far away and scary. You don't even want to think about it. When I had a miscarriage, I posted on my Instagram about it to share some of my journey. I had a friend who was trying to tell me that she had a miscarriage and wanted to make me feel better. But what she was saying was so triggering. It’s so easy for someone to say that it’s all going to be okay when you have two healthy kids and I don't have any kids. So yeah, it's a really great question because I know that people are coming from a place of love, but sometimes it really doesn't translate.
How to Show Up As a Supportive Partner
Kelly Jo: So if a partner was listening into this conversation, what are the best ways they can come alongside a mama who is going through a miscarriage?
Josie: It’s so important to just be present. So just holding your partner exactly in the place they are, even if they're super emotional. It’s also important to recognize that it is a really physical journey too. A miscarriage is giving birth. It's painful and it's intense, and you don't have a baby at the end. I really recommend partners take time to acknowledge that part.
That may mean taking a day off work so that you can just be there for your partner. Find ways to nourish your partner. This means being in tune with her basic needs. Make her soup. Make sure she's got water. Give her a heating pad. Put her favorite music on. Rub her feet. Just being there means so much. You don’t have to be great with words to be a great support.
What You’ll Find in This Miscarriage Gift Box
Kelly Jo: Let's talk a little bit about the gift box. We all have a different experience when it comes to miscarriage and what it looks like in our bodies. But you've really designed this gift box to aid in both the physical and emotional support, right?
Torie: So the Box for Loss is really designed for families that are actively losing their babies because it's has a lot of products to support the physical part of the miscarriage.
So we have a CBD balm that gets rubbed onto your pelvic area that's super healing and helps with inflammation and pain. And then we partner with Nyssa. They have this amazing high-waisted underwear and it has a little slot where you can insert this warmer, kind of like a heating pad.
There's also a special tincture in the gift box used for after pains. Then it also includes the Happy Tea, which is a super mineral-rich nourishing tea with alfalfa, oatstraw, nettle, lemon balm, peppermint, and rose. We also added in a vaginal steam, which can also double as a sitz bath. Those herbs are really nourishing to the tissues. So it's got calendula, sage, lavender sea salt, and comfrey.
...and so much more!
More From The Box For Loss Team
The Box for Loss came together organically as a way to support women through pregnancy loss. After facing the heartbreak, pain, and isolation of their own miscarriage experiences, founders Torie Borrelli Hall, Bryn Young, and the team at Tourmaline Birth and Wellness Collective found themselves wanting to do more for others who might be going through a similar experience. These women found solace in their community and forged a path to walk through their grief together; rather than alone.
You can learn more about the incredible women behind Box for Loss including their why and personal stories of miscarriage here.
Links & Resources Mentioned
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October 5, 2021